Transitional Grief: Why Life Changes Can Hurt Like Loss and How to Move Through It

Life is full of transitions. Some chosen, some unexpected, and many that may look “positive” from the outside. A new job. A move. A child starting school. A relationship ending. A loved one going into aged care. A shift in identity, routine, health, or direction.

These changes can shape us in profound ways, but they can also hurt in ways people rarely talk about and often suffer in silence from.

This hurt has a name: transitional grief.

As a grief counsellor, I see transitional grief every day. People who feel confused, ashamed, or blindsided by how intensely they’re affected by a change they thought they “should be able to handle.”

If this is you, you are not weak, dramatic, or failing. You are human. Your nervous system is responding to a loss of safety. Of identity. Familiarity.

Let’s explore what transitional grief is, why it’s so misunderstood, and how you can begin to move through it with support and self-compassion.

What Is Transitional Grief?

Transitional grief is the emotional response we feel when a major life change disrupts our sense of identity, stability, or belonging

.It is grief that comes not from death, but from losing what was familiar.

Transitions that can trigger grief include:

• Ending or beginning a relationship

• Moving house or relocating countries

• Career changes or job loss

• Retirement

• Children growing up or leaving home

• Divorce or separation

• Becoming a parent

• Changes in health, ability, or independence

• Shifts in faith, values, or identity

• FIFO lifestyle changes (e.g., new roster, role changes, partners returning home)

• Any moment where “life is not what it used to be”

Most people expect to experience grief after a death, but far fewer people recognise it as grief when the loss is invisible yet still deeply felt.

People experiencing transitional grief benefit may from grief and loss counselling, where there is space to explore invisible losses, emotional overwhelm, and the impact of change in a supportive, non-judgmental way.

Why Transitional Grief Feels So Heavy

Transitions disrupt stability. Even when a change is positive, your nervous system still interprets it as uncertainty and uncertainty can feel threatening.

You may feel:

• Sadness or numbness

• Anxiety or dread

• Feeling unanchored or “untethered”

• Difficulty adjusting to a new routine

• Irritability, overwhelm, or burnout

• Longing for “how things were”

• A sense that something has been lost, even if you can’t name it

This is not weakness. It’s your brain adjusting to a new reality.

When the world shifts, even subtly, the mind must grieve what is no longer there: identity, roles, expectations, community, predictability, and familiarity.

The Hidden Shame Around Transitional Grief

Many people feel guilty or confused for grieving a “non-tragic” change.

Common thoughts include:

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “I should be grateful.”

• “This is a good thing — why do I feel bad?”

• “I chose this change. I shouldn’t be struggling.”

• “I should be over it by now.”

This internal self-judgment can make the grief last longer.

In counselling, a big part of healing is normalising what you feel. Transitions demand emotional energy, and it’s okay if your emotional bandwidth is stretched.

It’s okay to grieve the version of life you’re leaving behind.

If you’re finding it hard to adjust or feel emotionally steady during a major life change, professional counselling support can help you process what’s happening and regain a sense of balance and clarity.

How Transitional Grief Shows Up in the Body and Nervous System

Your body may respond to life transitions the same way it does to any other loss:

• Fatigue or insomnia

• Emotional swings

• Trouble concentrating

• Feeling “on edge”

• A desire to withdraw

• Loss of motivation

• Increased sensitivity or overwhelm

This is your nervous system recalibrating. It's trying to regain equilibrium while adjusting to unfamiliar routines, expectations, or roles.

When we frame transitional grief as a biological process, not a personal failure, shame can soften and healing often becomes easier.

Healthy Ways to Move Through Transitional Grief

You don’t need to “get over” a transition. You need to move through it with support, pacing, and compassion.

Here are some evidence-supported strategies you can begin today:

1. Name the Loss Clearly

Ask yourself:

• What exactly has changed?

• What part of the old version of life do I miss?

• What identity, role, or routine am I grieving?

Naming the loss reduces emotional fog and brings clarity. Counselling can help you gently identify the deeper layers of the transition, especially when emotions feel tangled.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

Suppressing emotions doesn’t prevent grief. It prolongs it.

Allow sadness, confusion, anger, disappointment, or ambivalence. They are all valid. Self-compassion is not indulgent, it's what stablises us.

3. Establish New Anchors

During big life transitions, your nervous system needs predictable routines to feel safe again.

Anchors might include:

• A grounding morning or evening routine

• Regular meals and sleep

• Mindfulness or breathwork

• Weekly social connection

• Physical movement to discharge tension

These small stabilisers create a sense of safety while life reorganises around you.

4. Reconnect With Your Values

Transitions often disrupt our sense of direction.

Returning to your core values (connection, stability, growth, independence, creativity, family, rest, etc.) helps guide the next chapter.

5. Seek Support That Meets You Where You Are

You do not need to navigate transitional grief alone.

A trained grief counsellor can help you:

• Make sense of your emotional reactions

• Identify the secondary losses underneath the transition

• Regulate your nervous system

• Develop coping strategies

• Rebuild identity and direction

• Feel grounded and supported rather than overwhelmed

Why Transitional Grief Deserves More Recognition

Transitional grief is real. It impacts relationships, mental health, confidence, direction, and the ability to function daily.

And yet, because it’s invisible, many people suffer through it quietly.

When we normalise transitional grief, we give people the language, permission, and support they need to heal.

If you’re navigating a shift, whether large or small, and it feels heavier than expected, you don’t need to push through alone.

With the right support, transitions become opportunities for growth, clarity, and rebuilding a life that feels aligned with who you are becoming.

If You Need Support

I work with clients experiencing grief of all kinds, including the misunderstood, quieter grief of life transitions. If you’re struggling to adjust to a change and would like a space to talk through it, understand it, and find your footing again, you’re welcome to reach out.

Author: Kimberly Freeman, Counsellor | Shifting Perspective Counselling, BA Psychology, Dip. Counselling

Kimberly Freeman is a qualified counsellor based in Australia. She specialises in grief and loss, FIFO family mental health, performance mindset, and emotional wellbeing. Through her private practice, Shifting Perspective Counselling, Kimberly helps clients navigate life transitions, process complex emotions, and rebuild a sense of balance and meaning after loss.

Her approach is compassionate, practical, and grounded in evidence-based therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). Kimberly offers in-person and online sessions, supporting adults and families seeking clarity, connection, and emotional healing.