When someone you care about is grieving, it’s natural to want to support them. But knowing how to support them — what to say, what not to say, and how to show up for a grieving friend— can feel confusing and overwhelming. The truth is, you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be there. This guide offers gentle, practical ways to support a grieving friend — whether they’re coping with a recent loss or navigating the ongoing waves of grief.

1. Be Present, Not Perfect

You don't need the perfect words or grand gestures. Your presence — your quiet willingness to be there — is often the greatest comfort.

Try saying:

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

• “I’m holding space for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

(I still remember, after 23 years, the best response I heard from someone I worked with after my dad passed away, " Holy f- Kim. I dont know what to say." She didn't shy away, she didn't avoid eye contact, she didn't tell me it was going to be ok. She was real and present.)

2. Listen Without Fixing

Grief doesn’t need to be solved — it needs to be witnessed. Avoid jumping into advice or trying to cheer them up. Instead, offer a listening ear and an open heart.

Helpful phrases:

• “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

• “I’m here to listen whenever you need.”

  
  

3. Acknowledge Their Pain

Don’t avoid talking about the loss. Naming it helps your friend feel seen and understood. Avoid clichés like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least they’re in a better place.”

Instead, try:

• “I can’t imagine how painful this is for you.”

• “It’s okay to feel however you feel. There’s no right way to grieve.”

4. Don’t Just Offer Help

Grief can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. Show up to give specific, tangible support.

You could say:

• “I’m grabbing groceries, I’ve picked up a few things for you, I’ll leave them by the door if you aren't feeling up for a visit.”

• “I’m taking the kids to the park today, what time works for their schedule?“

5. Keep Showing Up

Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Many people feel forgotten weeks or months after a loss, once others have moved on. Check in regularly with a text or call like:

• “Just thinking of you today. No need to respond.”

• “I know it’s been a few months, but I’m still here if you want to talk.”

6. Respect Their Process

Everyone grieves differently. Your friend may need space, want to talk, be silent, cry, laugh, or do all of the above. Follow their lead, without pressure or expectations. What helps one person might not help another — that’s okay.

7. Remember Important Dates

Mark anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays in your calendar. A thoughtful message or small gesture on those days can mean so much.

You could send:

• “Thinking of you today. I know this date holds a lot.”

• “Lighting a candle in memory of [their loved one’s name].”

Just remember, no matter how awkward or hard it feels for you to reach out, it may mean the world to them.